Month: October 2014

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew EIGHT?

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew EIGHT? Or the stooopid humans keep fighting a ‘war on drugs’ on and it’s not working! In the news today the Home Office has finally published a report, the contents of

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew SEVEN?

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew SEVEN? Or the army finally gets out of Princess Anne. So after 13 odd years, one of the longest occupations in British history (apart from India, South Africa, America, Australia, Kenya,

Nice Mr Mashed Crab………..

Nice Mr Mashed Crab………..or PLEASE stop fucking the planet you twats! Have you ever woken to the sound of the birds? Have you ever heard a lion roar? Have you ever touched a giraffes’ head? Have you ever listened to

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew SIX?

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew SIX? Or how stooooopid are you fucking humans? Why are you bloody humans so far up your own arse? How stupid is it possible to be? And how weird your odd

The UK guide to democracy – tory and labour – no thanks!

The UK guide to democracy – tory and labour – no thanks TWATS! City boys driving around in their porsches Members of the royal family in the armed forces Landed gentry trashing wildlife on thoroughbred horses Dining out at Gordon

Mashed Crab and the nineties – Ecstasy and the need to speeeeed!

Mashed Crab and the nineties – Ecstasy and the need to speeeeed! “So where did the nineties go for you Mr Mashed Crab?” asked a nematode worm as he sneezed heavily following a 12 inch line of fine powder. “Shit,

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew FIVE?

Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew FIVE? Or the truth behind the headlines. The Bullingdon lead government has introduced screening at the main UK airports to try to lower the threat of Tombola in the country. Speaking

So let the cannabis flow with Mashed Crab in tow!

So let the cannabis flow with Mashed Crab in tow! Or where we think we’ve got to. Or have we? Although Mashed Crab isn’t a fan of the ‘selfie’ I thought I’d drop the picture in to remind you that

NICE CANNABIS

NICE CANNABIS before bed, before dinner, before work, before you know it……… That’s it for today, although it’s always time for a spliff and a toke. Is it bong time? Is it spliff time? Is it bucket time? Or do

No more Mr Nice Crab, it’s time to fuck the tories……..

No more Mr Nice Crab, it’s time to fuck the tories……..as they’ve been fucking you (unless you’re a chinless twat, in which case they’ve probably been blowing you). Just a quick observation and reminder from your friendly neighbourhood Mashed Crab.