Mashed Crab brings you the news – who knew THREE? Now get smoking a spliff, let’s settle down and and mash up…….
So as the Mashed Crab of 80 tokes I’ve got a view on the news that might not fully accord with your own, particularly if you form your opinions based on the bile that oozes from the Daily Mail. One day, Mr and Mrs Mail reader, you may find yourself on the receiving end of pettiness, vitriol or outright bigotry. Until that day please take it as a given that you have shit for brains and your contribution to the wealth of human knowledge is less than that provided by a half smoked spliff.
So the Scots will decide on their future in a couple of days time. Stick with the English or go it alone? Well having been caught smoking a spliff by Hamish McTaggart McRolly Brown Wilson (pictured above on Sunday) I asked him what his view was and which way he was likely to vote. Having drunk 14 pints of whisky for breakfast the best Hamsisssshhh could offer me was ‘I dunna dun dun ocky dun’ before he headbutted a passing vicar and went to sleep in a lard bath. In my view who really gives a shit? We’ve nicked your oil, stolen your rabbits and bought most of the goods bits so fuck off, or stay, we’re too mashed to care.
Of course there were plenty of people who wanted to express a view, even some old people who haven’t worked a day and are on benefits. We should’ve given the old girl a spliff!
And fortunately it appears the racist extremists were kept quiet (by the fervent rantings of the nationlist crowd).
Do the Scots have a point that being ruled from London by a bunch of fuckwit old Etonians (yes, I know Osborne went to a different public school but it clearly didn’t help curb his ‘what a complete cunt’ tendencies that surface when he’s breathing) is not a good thing?
By the time you read this it’s likley the votes will be in and our lives will never be the same……….unless they say yes to independence, in which case nothing will really change…………….unless they say no, in which case nothing will really……………..hang on a minute, what’s the bloody point of all this again?
Let me suggest the following course of action………..4 mates, 4 ounces, 4 nights and 4 a laugh – get the game out and play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!