The tories annual ‘Black and White’ bash! Or a gathering of leading tax dodgers, money grabbers and large donors or friends with benefits (but certainly not ON benefits).
So last night saw the annual gathering of the tory junta and assorted crooks, pornographers, tax dodgers and other self satisfied cunts at the White and Black gala. The event, organised by the political arm of the 1% club, or the government to you and I, sees hundreds of self satisfied cunts pay 15 grand for a table for the opportunity to pat each other on the back and to confirm to each other how great they are. It is also a chance to swap tax dodging ideas, to moan about the cost of domestic help and to ensure the tories will continue to burn the poor and disabled and to enact legislation that will keep them both rich and obnoxious. Invitees are carefully selected by the tories, the main criteria for entry being vast unearned wealth and job offers for the politicians once they’ve fucked the country, ensuring only the most self centred cunts in the country attend. Of course, as this is a democracy, a full list of the attendees is published so that we all get a chance to see who really runs the country. (THAT LAST BIT IS, OBVIOUSLY, ABSOLUTE BOLLOCKS. THE LIST IS AS LIKELY TO BE PUBLISHED AS IS THE LIST OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIED AS A DIRECT RESULT OF THE CHANGES THIS GOVERNMENT HAS MADE TO DISABILTY PAYMENTS, OR THE CURRENT LIST OF TAX DODGERS EXPOSED YESTERDAY. DEMOCRACY, NOT HERE THANK YOU!).
Opening speeches were made by the chief liar, liar, your butlers pants are on fire, David Cameron, one of the tories well known for taking millions from those present in the room in return for a return to 19th century ideals and inequality.
Policies were confirmed by the tories other complete git, George ‘head down the toilet and suck my cock you sorry fucking fag’ Osborne. This went down well with the assorted cunts, who made a point of thanking him for reducing the cost of a shot gun licence, increasing by 150% the subsidy given to owners of grouse moors and for removing several thousand poor people from the electoral register, having cut their support to the point where suicide was a better option than starvation. Nice work George ‘fucked up the arse from the age of ten by other rich people, many of whom are in the room now’ Osborne.
One of the highlights of the evening was of course the silent auction. This gave the assorted cunts a chance to spend some of that tax dodged money on stuff any one in their right mind would believe was the booby prize. One ecstatic bidder, Mrs Ieata da Poor, bid £40 million to go shoe shopping with Theresa May!
You couldn’t make this shit up! Another happy bidder, an Irish man by the name of O’Shore Haven, bid £15.7 million to fuck chickens with the disgraced former education git Michael ‘Oiky’ Gove.
And the pick of the lots was won by Mrs Taxpayments and Mr Deadline, who bid £74.9 billion to secure a small bronze statue of the thankfully deceased Margaret Thatcher. Because of the size of the bid the winners were allowed to insert the statue into the arse of any member of the cabinet. Johnson, Osborne and Cameron all stood up to take it up the arse but the winners felt it only right and proper to place the statue up a complete arse and turned to Gove.
He just loved it and as far as we know the statue has yet to be returned!
Other traditional games played that night included ‘hunt the chin’, an amusing one as only those in the know are aware that, of course, there are no fucking chins in the room.
The evening concluded with the assorted cunts singing along to some of the old classics including ‘we’ve nicked all the money and we don’t care’, ‘paying tax is for the poor’, ‘look at my new bentley’, and who could forget ‘vote for the tories, get richer’. Looking forward to the coming election Will B Richer and Ben DoveryouporrcuntwhileIfuckyoutodeath said ‘Yah, you know, yah’.
Unfortunately no cunts or tories were injured during the writing of this prose.