The UK guide to democracy – tory and labour – no thanks!

The UK guide to democracy – tory and labour – no thanks TWATS!

The UK guide to democracy - tory and labour - no thanks!

City boys driving around in their porsches

Members of the royal family in the armed forces

Landed gentry trashing wildlife on thoroughbred horses

Dining out at Gordon Ramsay eating 9 courses


Only if you’re born to the class that has keys

To open the doors based on your parents paying fees

To the schools that are closed to the best and the poor

They’re given life chances to get more, more, more


A silver spoon in your mouth to guarantee the cash

A trust fund set up to pay for the bash

A lifelong treat for you, and the rest

Can take their chances at best as a guest


Odd names you acquire whilst at Harrow or Eton

Your passage to uni has the rest of us beaten

You get the best of it all whilst swigging the gin

We can only laugh at you lacking a chin


Set up for your benefit this country has been

For decades and decades it gets worse, it’s obscene

You take all you can, including the piss

Hard work and fairness, you’ll give it a miss


Do as you say, not do as you do

Because this is the club for the privileged few

No entry to those without name or wealth

It’s still upper class, but now via stealth


Controlling it all keeps you happy and sweet

Your chauffeur keeps you safe from the street

Where the rest of us dwell with no hope of a raise

Up the ladder of life we can only gaze

At the cars and wealth that you all have by birth

At the land that you own and the size of your girth

The rules have been made, your destiny set

Your passage through life a one way sure bet


New Labour, Old Tories, the hoi pallois

The tie that you wear as one of the boys

They all set in stone your god given right

To take all you want and try as we might

We’re doomed to be dropped from the job list, the school

We’re not in the club and we do not rule

On the way that the chances in life are dished out

Is this really what life’s all about?

The UK guide to democracy - tory and labour - no thanks!

And now we enter the time of the Bullingdon club

At Oxford your exploits took place in the pub

You care not a jot for the damage you cause

Smashing up rooms and watching the whores

That dance for your pleasure to get you off

Actually enjoying being a toff

You now speak the speak of ordinary folk

You getting elected a sick and cynical joke


This is the lot of for the modern UK

God help if you’re poor, sick or gay

Because the bullingdon club is not for any of you

It might not be right but it’s certainly true

That the place that you’re born and the family name that you bear

Will determine your life and they really don’t care

If you rot in a job that pays minimum wage

Or die stinking in shit caused by disease and old age


Beware of a tory who offers some more

Concessions to the sick and the poor

Because they don’t mean what they actually say

They’ll come after you from the very first day

They will walk into office to lord over you

Claiming this time it’ll be different and new

But will keep all the best for the boys with the tie

Entrenching the privilege and watching you die


If you don’t have that spoon on the day that you’re born

You’re not one of them and will get used as a pawn

For political ends to elect them all in

A mark of respect for those with no chin

No place for you on the boards of the banks

They’ll take your vote but don’t expect any thanks

This country is theirs, by right don’t you know

Them on a high, you on a low


From birth, through school and on to the job

They take what they want, they steal and they rob

With a smile on their face and a lie on their lips

They’ll expect you to survive by collecting the tips

That are offered to you by the grinning fat pigs

The public school educated judges in wigs

The city boys watching you strip on a pole

They dance with the devil, he now owns their soul


So when it is time to use your vote

Remember the history of them and please note

They care for themselves and don’t care for you

It’s a closed club, no new entrants are due

To enter their realm is fixed on day one

The royals, the lords, the boys from Eton

They’re not the best at anything at all

Apart from spending and having a ball


And don’t be fooled by the New Labour crew

Blair may be gone but the project remains true

To widen the gap between the rich and the poor

Protecting big business by keeping the law

In place to allow the rich not to pay

The tax that falls on the poor night and day

You’ll pay more as a cleaner than an equity boss

And we all know they don’t give a toss


New Labour changed the way politics is done

All P.R and spin to ensure elections were won

Big bonuses to bankers on an ego trip

With no downside at all if your bank takes a slip

Because the government was there with hand outs for failure

Instead of the courts and the use of a jailor

Because when times were good this was the bankers glory

But now it’s our problem with sub-prime as the story

The UK guide to democracy - tory and labour - no thanks!

The power they want increases by the day

Scare stories to make taking civil liberties away

Easy as stealing the sweets from a child

Our silence is stunning, the reaction mild

For such nightmares happened to others during war

We beat back the Nazis to protect these things I’m sure

Once gone these things are hard to recover

Will you trust anyone, are they under-cover?


So the ruling classes from both parties of state

Are really just liars who will make you wait

For your whole lifetime for things to change

Whilst keeping the privilege well out of range

For the mass of the folks all that democracy offers

Is a life of hard work and empty coffers

Using spin and the lies perfected by war

They keep all they want and you stay dirt poor


We want ballot papers printed for the next election

On which we can vote ‘none of the above’ to remove the pretension

That the rulers that put themselves forward for it

Are anything other than useless and shit

Because faced with a choice of the club or the liars

I’d like to put a match to your funeral pyres

And watch you all burn for to hell you will go

Would we miss you? The answer is NO!

The UK guide to democracy - tory and labour - no thanks!

And Mashed Crab thinks that both tory and labour have their arses hanging out for the vested interests they serve. Tory blows the bankers, labour gets fucked by the bankers and both tory and labour do as they are told. This isn’t a call to vote UDICK or Libdem, more a call to throw eggs at any passing tory or labour candidate…………..tee hee.

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