World Exclusive – Dragons’ Den – The 80 Tokes edition!
Mashed Crab has been given a copy of the script of the recently filmed version of the Dragons’ Den edition that featured the creators of 80 Tokes. It had been suggested to the boys by Sir Rollit the Third that appearing on the program would be a good laugh. Never ones to pass up the chance of a good laugh the boys agreed to appear………………………
The 5 dragons.
- Peter ‘pass the poppers’ Puddingbum.
- A woman from Surrey. Her name is Henrietta Alldepies.
- A cousin of the queen. His name is Watt Doyoudo.
- A Scottish bloke with granite eye brows and in a separate room his ego. His name is Dunkin Allthetime.
- Bugs Bunny.
Evan Enearth begins the show by announcing that many people have been on the Den with a game but none had persuaded the dragons to part with their cash. Would the next team, from Mashed Crab productions, be successful.
The 80 tokes boys step out of the lift. They are singing ‘Get some herb in to your life, with 80, 80 Tokes’.
They place the game on the table and turn to face the dragons.
‘Before we start we’d like you each to have one of these’.
Stepping forward each dragon is handed spliff.
‘Is this what I think it is? asked Bugs Bunny. ‘Is it a Camberwell?
‘Yes it is and you’ll be needing that to fully appreciate the game we’re here to show you’.
‘Great stuff’ said Watt Doyoudo, ‘I’ve been hanging for a spliff’.
They each take a couple of big drags as the game is set up
‘Hi, we’re Mashed Crab Productions and we’re here to ask for 500 quid in exchange for a go on our game, Around The World in 80 Tokes!’
Cut to the dragons, all busily toking on their spliffs. Dunkin Allthetime smlies for the first time in over 40 years and Peter ‘pass the poppers’ Puddingbum was holding a ten second draw.
‘We have been developing 80 Tokes over the last 9 years. We noticed that there was no board game on the market that catered for the 3 million Tokers in the UK, and indeed the 900 million Tokers world wide. We quickly realised that if we could get just 1% of those tokers to buy the game then there would be alot of happy people out there and we would probably get a few free Tokes out of it’
At this news the dragons, now looking very stoned and happy, sit up and start to look very interested in what’s being said.
‘So how does the game work?’ asked Henrietta Alldepies.
‘The game involves travelling the world, collecting the necessary ingredients to make a monster spliff, interacting with your fellow players/travellers, swapping goods along the way and trying to avoid landing on Saudi Arabia where you lose your entire stash. Questions geared to gear and big laughs assist with the acquisition need whilst other cards move you back or forward like a snakey ladder’.
Bugs Bunny, now clearly a bit wasted and mashed, says ‘So how do you get started’. At this he begins to giggle uncontrollably.
‘Each player chooses a playing piece, with the big mouse and wizard being particularly popular, and kicks off in the departure lounge of Greenland, armed with a fat pre-rolled spliff. The highest roll of the dice sees the first player begin his world journey. Each country is colour co-ordinated, the colour dictating what the player must do when he/she lands there. Will it be a question, giving the player a choice of either answering the question or 4 multiple choice options which include the answer.’
‘Can I have a go?, asked Puddingbum. He rolls and lands on a Wheezy Chest.
‘I’ll now ask you the question on the card. If you don’t know the answer I’ll give you the multiple choice option. ‘What river flows over Victoria Falls in Africa?
‘I don’t know’ beamed Puddingbum
‘Ok, your options are – Congo River, Limpopo River, Zambezi River and Old man river’
At this stage Puddingbum is pissing himself and has a go at answering the question. He gets it right, and then asks if he can have another question. Again, laughing.
‘Well, why don’t we all play?’ says Watt Doyoudo.
There is a flurry of activity, resulting in the 5 dragons and the 2 Mashed Crab reprsentatives on earth sitting around the table, choosing a playing piece and drawing on the spliffs given earlier. The camera pans around the players, seeing intense excitement, red eyes and big smiles all round.
The picture fades………and the words ‘One hour later’ appears. The picture comes back, and has all 7 laughing madly as another question is being read out.
The picture fades again and ‘3 hours later’ appears. The room is now nicely smokey, the dragons haven’t had this much fun since the last Spanish inquisition and a toker round is in progress……
‘7 hours later’………………All the dragons think the idea is great. They begin to make offers, bigger and bigger sums, bidding against each other until they decide make a joint bid. The final offer is £10 000 000 for their own copy of the game, noone is allowed to leave until dawn and the film of the espisode isn’t to be broadcast for 10 years.
The Mashed Crab boys leave the room next day, rather bleary eyed and as stoned as a Penguin in Chefchaouen.
Downstairs they are interviewed by Evan Enearth and say how pleased they are. Even says he’s never known such an enthusiatic response to a game on the den and has a couple of draws on a spliff as he shakes his head in disbelief.
Back in the den the dragons are all grinning and being silly. ‘I wonder who’s next’ asks Dunkin Allthetime, as the lift door opens.
A lady walks to the table and puts down a really big cake. She briefly gets chance to say ‘Hi, I’m Kirstie and I run Big Cakes. Com’ before all the dragons leap off their chairs and head straight to the cake and start gorging, Henrietta Alldepies fighting hardest to get at the munchies.